St Hilarion Castle is located 15 minutes from Kyrenia in North Cyprus. It sits atop a mountain, its steep stairs spiralling up to the peak. While one side of the mountain slopes gradually with yellow/green shrubs the other is almost vertical, built of jagged, sandy-coloured rocks and provides a panoramic view over Kyrenia. Within the castle itself there are little ‘hidden’ passageways and rooms to explore that you might end up missing some completely. Due to these attributes, it is viewed as a somewhat magical castle and supposedly inspired Walt Disney during the creation of his logo and animated movies such as Snow White.

I have the privilege of being able to tell you that I not only visited the castle, but was arrested there as well.

After walking around the central courtyard, patrolling the battlements, and popping in and out of various rooms, we began the long haul to the peak (732 metres). Through all the sweat and toil of climbing endless, narrow stairs, you might expect there to be a princess of some sort (I prefer the scantily clad types personally) waiting for you at the top. Alas, you will have to make do with a slab of rock and a sign offering its congratulations instead.

After much merriment (and many shirtless pictures) we descended back down and straight into the coffee shop (located in one of the rooms in the castle) for some tea and - no, not crumpets! - Turkish Delight.

On the way out, I decided to take an alternate route and, oh my, stumbled across a room I hadn’t been in before. I stepped inside and looked around. Nothing in particular interested me much. Then I spotted a spear lodged on the wall… with no protective casing.

‘It would be nice if I could get a picture holding that,’ I thought.

‘Don’t do it!’ said my good conscience.

‘Cam on - what’s the harm?’ inquired my naughty side.

‘You’ll get into trouble…’

‘How? Who’s going to see me? No one.’

With that argument settled, I tried to pry the spear off its metal hinges, but it was pressed onto the wall at one end by the metal. Arg… I pulled a bit harder.

Suddenly I heard static in the room - like a radio that was set to an unused frequency. Then a booming voice ordered, ‘DO NOT TOUCH THE ARTIFACTS!’

I nearly pissed my pants. I immediately stopped what I was doing and stuttered, ‘Oh, sorry,’ to whoever it was. It was then that I noticed a security camera and several speakers above me.

The cheesy grin says it all - BUSTED!

A few minutes after the picture was taken I was escorted to the security office where I had to explain my actions (I only wanted to pose with it, I swear!). There was a big, burly bloke there who kept trying to tell me what a serious crime I had committed (apparently I was trying to steal an artifact) and threatened me with jail terms.

Perhaps it was because I looked like a stupid tourist that they let me off. Or maybe they finally agreed that not an idiot on this planet would be dumb enough to steal a rotting spear from an old castle and dash to the exit with it.