Suspended!
The story begins three Tuesday’s ago when, purely on a whim, I decided to bother to actually come to school to attend two lessons: Statistics and Maths.
Upon arriving, I found out that Statistics had been cancelled. The official excuse our teacher gave was that there were representatives from AUB (American University of Beirut) arriving at lunch (when our lesson takes place). The unofficial excuse is that he couldn’t be arsed to teach us.
As always, we got so bored our minds wandered past the line of sanity once again and entered the realm of the bizarre: why not buy a TV and stick it in one of the locker compartments? Within seconds, we had formed the blueprints for the drilling work that needed to be done, the wiring, everything… (as of this moment, all we’re waiting for is the 300 or so dirhams that need to be coughed up to purchase said TV).
Suddenly, there came a thwack at the door followed by a few giggles and the scurrying of many little feet. The little brats were at it. A few seconds later, the sound came again. I opened the door, grabbed the nearest kid, and pulled him in by the scruff of his neck. I then prepared to subject him to the numerous methods of torture that were second nature to me - dousing with cold water, hanging from the ceiling by legs, constant face slapping on attempt to speak, and my personal favourite as told by General Melchitt (of Blackadder fame): ‘Personally, I’d recommend you get a hold of a cocker spaniel, tie your suspect down on a chair with a potty on his head, then pop his todger between two floury buns and shout “Dinner time, Fido!”.’ I was unsure what the Geneva Convention would say, though, so I refrained from performing that last one.
Meanwhile, one of his friends stood outside acting tough. The other Grade 13’s invited him to join us. He shrugged and replied, ‘Sure.’ And into the class waltzed a pudgy character who bore a remarkable resemblance to the Michelin man. He messed around with a few of our books, pretending he could understand them, made a couple of wisecracks, and on his way out, threw one of our calculators on to the table. I went to close the door behind him when he tried to slam it shut. I held on to it. Realising the lack of muscle in his overly-fat arms, he proceeded to use both arms to slam the door. I held onto it again, but this time, opened it slightly, gave him a good kick to the stomach/chest area through the crack in the door, watched him reel back into the wall behind him, shut the door, and had a good laugh with the rest of my classmates.
It didn’t last very long. Soon enough someone exclaimed, ‘Man! He’s crying!’
‘Ignore him,’ I said casually.
‘But he looks like he’s really hurt.’
‘Of course he does. He’s a bloody faker! Don’t go outside otherwise you’ll give him the attention he wants,’ I explained.
Then a supervisor appeared.
I heard some blubbering and whimpering followed by ‘What? Who did it? Where is he?’
I walked outside to find a fat finger pointed in my direction.
‘Come here!’ the supervisor said sternly. I accepted my fate. There was no fighting it. It is useless to resist.
He looked down at the short figure curled up into a ball on the floor, sighed and said, ‘Now, I have to report this. Why did you hit him?’
‘Because he’s an annoying little @*?#’ I wanted to say.
‘Because he disrespected me, sir,’ the words came out.
‘Come on! He’s only a small child!’
‘His age is irrelevant.’
Since when did little shites becomes so disrespectful to their elders? When I was small, I actually admired and looked up to those in the grades above me.
He sighed and asked me to come with him to the head supervisor’s office. There the head supervisor was quick to lash out and dish an immediate suspension to me while the kid was given a mere slap on the wrist. I didn’t argue with it. There would be no point. The fact of the matter is that if the kid’s father had complained, the school would have had to face the brunt of it. Punishing me hard enough in front of the kid so that he wouldn’t complain to his daddy was the only solution. I sat down and took the lectures, the shouting, the over-exaggerated threats of police involvement (much like the ones in my thread Arrested In St Hilarion!). Meanwhile, the kid sniffed and sobbed, cradling his right arm in his left. I felt a burning urge to twist his arm, and tell him to stop bullshitting, but decided it would only add to my sentence.
I was sent to the exam hall for the rest of day, where I had a laugh about the whole thing with the examiners there. I even volunteered to help them with the papers since I had nothing better to do.
End result: I came all the way to school ($38 by cab) on a whim and missed the only lesson of the day - Maths - because I was suspended.
The next day the kid came to school with a cast over his arm.
Oops.
Hahah! I love that! I did that to a girl I hate - broke her pinky a week before our final exams. Well, I didn’t break it. We were playing basketball, she did something weird when she tried to steal the ball and ended up breaking her finger. I didn’t touch her but she pointed the finger at me. I gladly accepted the blame. I still hate her :D So touché. Kids are brats.
Sanakins said this on November 4th, 2006 at 8:50 pm
Haha…I wouldn’t actually do any of those things. I’d just be so evilly sarcastic that the tongue lashes would be almost physical.
Namitha said this on November 5th, 2006 at 7:55 pm
‘Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned’
I stand by that quote more than ever. ;)
The English Nomad said this on November 5th, 2006 at 11:09 pm
Hehe everyones trying to be so poetic with their language now… You’ve started a revolution.. hehe and yes i would have done the same, I actualy have.. Ah good old Choueifat..
Tanay said this on November 6th, 2006 at 12:09 am
Thank you for another good article ;) I’m just waiting for an article about Sweden :)
Michelle Johnsson said this on November 9th, 2006 at 11:51 am
You’ll get one within the next three articles. ;)
The English Nomad said this on November 10th, 2006 at 1:18 pm
Thats abhorrently mean! You should be nicer to children, even if they are annoying little pieces of shit eating cunts…which…they mostly are…Oh and who is the pianist?
Ziggy said this on November 11th, 2006 at 7:29 pm
I didn’t actually mean to hurt him. The majority of the damage was dealt by his immense mass when he fell on his arm. :P
The pianist is none of your business. ;)
The English Nomad said this on November 12th, 2006 at 11:11 pm
kids today…. back in my day…..
omer abbasi said this on November 14th, 2006 at 8:58 pm
Serves you right… first, for even getting involved in this, and then for not doing it properly as well… should’ve just slapped him, way more humiliating… but ideally, you’d just have ignored the little bastard.
On another note: how fat would one have to be to break one’s own arm simply by falling on it? And how stupid do you have to be to fall in such a way as to make the above possible when you hit the wall first and thus have more than enough time to control your fall?
Martin said this on November 17th, 2006 at 10:20 pm
jacky, you bastard. :D
I consider the whole experience a life lesson for the kid. At the moment, he may have the school rules to protect his little arse, but when he steps out into the real world, and finds he’s being beaten up by street thugs, there’ll be no supervisor to cry to.
In reply to your second point, he’s pretty fat, but I also kicked him against a wall, so that might have had something to do with his arm (he didn’t break it, he sprained it).
The English Nomad said this on November 18th, 2006 at 12:09 pm
What a reaction, Jeremy! It’s nothing to be proud of. Pushing, grabbing him by the neck, kicking him against the wall… This is not the way to show you are superior to a kid. And to anybody, btw. Anyway, you were stronger than he was, you could have chosen something different to show you are better than him. This is not a life lesson for the little boy, I’m afraid, rather for you… Acting aggressively is not an answer, ibni. Inflicting pain and suffering to the ones weaker than us (brats or not) is not a sign of courage. You went to school that day to attend a few courses. You should have tried something different in order not to get bored (as usually!). Being suspended from attending maths was just the consequence of your action that day. If I were you, I would find that little boy, apologize, and try to teach him where he was wrong that day. Think he might be your little brother. How about that?!
Then you could write a completely new and better article.
“Lo cortes no quita lo valiente”.
Ayouni said this on January 3rd, 2007 at 2:08 pm
The only time I was aggressive that day was when I had to answer to charges of bullying. I’m not a bully, and never have been. The last 10 years of my record are completely void of any hitting/bullying/abuse whatsoever. And that certainly stands for something.
The kick wasn’t done with painful intent. I merely wanted him off the door.
Surprisingly, ever since that day, he and his friends never come inside our class anymore, and when he is in our corridor, he now respects both my classmates and I.
The situation has reached a very satisfying equilibrium.
The English Nomad said this on January 3rd, 2007 at 5:30 pm
Hey! I like fat kids! More of them beat up! :twisted: ! I’m sorry, did that just plain sound sadistic ?
...+> said this on May 2nd, 2007 at 7:38 pm
ur stupid 7aram he’s only a kid he didnt mean for anything bad to happen
gal101 said this on June 29th, 2007 at 3:31 am
JEREMY!!! WHY? UR SUCH AN ASS :twisted: LOZER
gal101 said this on June 29th, 2007 at 3:26 pm
Sorry for the late reply!
I was a bit of a bastard, I admit. :D
The English Nomad said this on July 10th, 2007 at 12:04 pm
Jez now that I have found your web blog and found it very amuzing how about telling everyone of the Sri lankan trip and the Nautilus Dive Team or should I say ( The Sri lankan Wankers ) that still tickles your mum to this very day. I will be returning to Tangalle in aug/sept 2008. thanks for a great laugh, oh by the way should’nt you have poked him with a red hot poker as well!!!!!!!! cheers mate. Robin
Robin Killner said this on May 27th, 2008 at 12:02 pm