There Are 5 Types Of Exams…
Ask anyone about Choueifat, and they’ll probably keel over and clog an artery when it comes to talking about exams. In the majority of our secondary years, we spend every week doing a multiple choice test on nearly every subject we take. In addition to that, we have to take three full-fledged written + multiple choice exams on varying subjects in a continuous three hour session in the morning. Considering a typical Grade 11 student, that’s about 10 hours a week doing exams.
The problem with this method of shoving information down one’s throat is that students become immune to the examinations. An exam no longer poses a threat as it becomes so frequent, and, I’ve had this experience personally, one eventually ends up walking into the exam hall so fed up and saturated with information that he no longer cares about the outcome of the exam.
There is one advantage, though, of this system: it splits the year’s syllabus into smaller parts which the student can handle, and repeatedly exposes them to the material. That’s the theory anyway. Most Choueifatis end up studying at the last minute right up until the very last second when their Physics books have to be wrenched from their hands by the supervisor at the entrance to the exam hall.
- The Perfect Exam
This is the sort of exam that a Choueifati dreams of the night before a weekly. You’ve done your studying, you look at the paper, and can’t help but chuckle as you read it. As you skim past question after question, you realise the pen is doing all the work for you while your mind is occupied with thoughts of a calm, sunny morning, birds chirping joyfully in the trees. It’s an exam made in heaven. This type of exam usually stays in one’s dreams, however…
- The Good Exam
Good exams are just that - good. You studied relatively well, and you got the mark you deserved. Every exam taker is expected to have a good exam. How boring…
- The Borderline Exam
Probably the most common exam among Choueifat students, the borderline exam is a half-hearted attempt to gain a passing mark (which is usually 60%). A hand supports your slumped head as you stare with disinterest into your exam paper. You casually discover a few Basic Questions (these are questions given to a student beforehand which will appear as 60% of the total marks in the exam) and half-answer them, recalling only bits and pieces from the previous night. With ten minutes to go, like a scavenger collecting minuscule, barely edible morsels of food, you write down formulas and simplify answers in a pitiful attempt to gain an extra quarter of a mark here or there. The end result is a near fail or a near pass.
- The Hellish Exam
DISASTER! Last night was spent watching TV, playing video games, doing the dishes - anything to get out of studying - and now you’re paying for it. You hesitantly shuffle into the exam hall, and crash into your seat with a BOOM. As the seconds tick away, the weight of your guilt is bearing down more and more heavily upon you, making it increasingly difficult to breathe. The supervisor is saying something about your exam, but in your delirious state, you can’t quite tell where his voice is coming from. You frantically glance from one end of the hall to the other, but everything is a blur. Squinting hard, through your sweat-ridden face, you can just make out the shape of the person in front of you. As you take in your last deep breath before you faint, another BOOM sounds, throwing you back into reality. The supervisor has delivered a swift blow to the back of your head, ‘WAKE UP!’
- The Wonky Exam
Also known as the ‘Huh?’ and the ‘WTF?’ exam, the Wonky Exam is a result of the higher powers playing with you for their own cruel amusement. Spent the night cramming the information in to no avail? Certain you’re going to fail? And then comes the jaw-dropping look of dumbness on your face as the teacher hands you an outstanding mark in the class. The opposite case also applies: studying well in advance, comfortably flying through the exam, and walking to class confident and smiling until a failing mark finds itself on your table.
Don’t be fooled, though! Some students may use the Wonky Exam as an excuse. A noticeable type is one that claims to you and those around you before the exam that he ‘will fail so badly’. His mark, however, will tell a different story, but in response to the accusing looks, he’ll shrug his shoulders and claim, ‘I don’t know how it happened… I didn’t study at all.’ Classmates will scoff, knowing full well that he spent the entirety of last week studying.
I love how you manage to describe it precisely the way it is! And to those of you haven’t experienced the joy of Studying At Choueifat- this is all actually true. Went through it today :D Perhaps it will turn into a Wonky Exam- God knows I need the pass!
Dana said this on December 28th, 2006 at 6:53 pm
True! Great article, good read! Thumbs up!
Daniel said this on December 29th, 2006 at 1:09 am
Ah yes, tis been years since ive been trying to describe them choueifatty exams.. those wankers.. sigh..
Tanay said this on December 29th, 2006 at 1:48 pm
I swear, typical choueifat life!! glad its over, we dont have that many exams in gr12 :lol:
Ralph said this on December 31st, 2006 at 1:47 pm
Pfft. I never study but I still manage to do well. Much to the agitation and animosity of the three other people in my class. Eh, well, one is perpetually stoned, another mockingly histrionic and yet another is crazy.
Anyways. Tomorrow. Back to the shit. One grade 13 Physics exam, didn’t study for it and can’t get around to it. Tell the Dubai Physics class to do badly, so I can feel better about myself. :P
Caracaos said this on January 6th, 2007 at 8:45 pm
Will pass on the message, Caracaos. :D
Ack… I’ve got a Statistics exam. Shall have to start studying within the next few hours since my sleeping cycle is fooked. Looks like it’s going to be a borderline! :mrgreen:
The English Nomad said this on January 6th, 2007 at 10:45 pm
So true. :)
I didn’t know you had a blog!
Just A Choueifati said this on February 22nd, 2007 at 6:41 pm
I didn’t know you knew me? :mrgreen:
The English Nomad said this on February 23rd, 2007 at 12:55 am
Hey… i love how you described it, it is so true!! :smile: i get like the highest in the grade (im in grade 8):cool: but there are these people like total nerds who study everything they could actually recite the whole textbook… and before the exam they’re like “OMG i didn’t study a thing. I’m gonna fail” and to those of us who are desperately trying to remeber a piece of vital information.. it gets sooo annoying :mad: i can honestly say i study for my weekly exams only the day before and the only AMS is math.. and the result a 19.6 average… i have an algebra final tomorrow and i’m actually scared… so there’s a first for everything.
Nadine94 said this on March 23rd, 2007 at 7:40 pm
*(grade eight)
Nadine94 said this on March 23rd, 2007 at 7:41 pm
Thanks!
Hehe, which Choueifat are you in and how’d you find the site? :smile:
The English Nomad said this on March 24th, 2007 at 10:49 am
omg that is so true ,everything and i can assure u that ur a gr8 writer (of articles ) jeremy!!!
gal101 said this on June 29th, 2007 at 3:45 am
Tank ye! :smile:
The English Nomad said this on July 10th, 2007 at 12:05 pm
heyy i think im the first one here to post from the choueifat in lahore. i used to be in choueifat in UAE till grade 7 but then i moved here. English nomad i need some help i barely passed grade 11 i have two makeups on 19th august n next year im gona be in 12s i needed som1 whose in 12s in uae who cud tell me the weekly questions
TZT said this on August 7th, 2007 at 5:49 pm
Hello, TZT.
Grade 12S is a tough year, and the most stressful as most students are busy worrying about their university applications in addition to the exams. You won’t have weekly AMS tests, but you’ll soon find out that that’s not a good thing.
I started 12S two years ago - there’s no way I can remember any weekly questions whatsoever. And even if you find them, you won’t pass 12S with them alone. Your best alternative is to work:
Try to listen properly in class. Even if you don’t feel like it, push yourself to listen. It’ll save you having to work as hard at home. Ask questions, participate in class discussions… It’ll all help. You may not understand the majority of points when explained to the first time, but keep at it.
If you can manage to do a bit of revision at home, that will help a lot too. I know it’s a pain going over material you don’t understand, but try to - read the workbook to get the method, complete the questions you’ve done in class and compare answers at the end. If anything’s wrong with your answer, pinpoint where you went wrong and do it again. Slowly but surely, you should feel the method creeping into your mind. :D
If you keep pushing yourself to do the right things eventually they’ll become a habit. And that is a wonderful feeling I can assure you!
And, finally, you probably know most of the above information, but having someone say it to you sometimes makes the difference.
The English Nomad said this on August 8th, 2007 at 10:16 pm
[...] to the sequel of the much acclaimed ‘There Are 5 Types Of Exams…’ article. I first contemplated writing one along the lines of the different types of women, but soon decided [...]
The English Nomad » Blog Archive » There Are 6 Types Of Gymgoers… said this on August 11th, 2007 at 2:10 am
[...] to the sequel of the much acclaimed ‘There Are 5 Types Of Exams…’ article. I first contemplated writing one along the lines of the different types of women, but soon decided [...]
The English Nomad » Blog Archive » There Are 6 Types Of Gymgoers… said this on August 12th, 2007 at 6:05 pm