The image most foreigners have of a genuine English pub is a cesspit of unsavoury characters guffawing through crooked, yellow teeth over an unsteady pint. Usually in this image, the beer gets sloshed over the table every few seconds as Bill (the local pub hooligan for this example) repeatedly slams his plump, hairy paw on the already grimy table after hearing a particularly amusing joke.

There are three conditions to owning a pub in England:

1. You have to purchase a license to sell alcohol
2. You are required to erect a stag’s head somewhere in the bar area
3. You need a cliché name

Let’s face it - when it comes to pub names in England, we’re not very creative. It only takes a 5 minute drive through any town to figure out the formula:

The < insert royal or significant title here >’s < insert a bodily part or accoutrement here >

This complicated algorithm results in a variety of choice, as shown by the random pub name below:

The Queen’s Arms

Sometimes, though, you find a pub that has referred to itself as a nonsensical combination of animals:

The Cat and Llama

What pair of drunken sods thought up this utter load of trollop? The question answers itself.

To end, here are a few real pubs and their locations in England:

• The Saracen’s Head, Broad Street, Bath
• Ye Olde Trip to Jerusalem, Brewhouse Yard, Nottingham (they claim to be England’s oldest pub)
• Bedford Arms, High Street, Bedford
• The Elephant and Castle, 12 Elgin Avenue, London
• The Queens Arms, 30 Queens Gate Mews, London
• The King’s Head Inn, The Green, Bledington, Oxfordshire

And, finally, The Rat & Parrot is actually an established pub with chains throughout England.