‘Twas the festive season of 2008 when my housemate, Tanay, and I found ourselves in ASDA doing our weekly shop. We wandered the aisles, knocking item after item in to our trolley when we discovered the Christmas foods on offer. Stuffed turkeys, Christmas pudding, chocolate Yule logs, gingerbread men and mince pies decorated the aisles surrounded by tinsel and baubles. One box in particular proclaimed to be ‘extra special’. It was this box that Tanay delightfully picked up. As he examined the wording of the package, a wide-eyed grin built up on his face.

For lack of anything better to do, I entertained myself by watching his odd antics, but soon grew bored. I returned to looking at the nutritional content of wholemeal pitta bread. Suddenly, my attention was snatched away by the sound of cardboard ripping. Tanay had opened the side of the box. He seized one of the mince pies (nearly crushing it) and bit a great chunk out of it. He chewed and chewed like a starving little boy. Then, slowly, he frowned and his chewing ground to a halt. In that moment, I saw all the happiness of a boy at Christmas dissolve in to disappointment and disbelief. He was alone now, and all was quiet but for a few crumbs of mince pie that hit the floor.

‘I thought there was meat in these…’

The tone of his voice said it all - he felt betrayed. Betrayed by the companies that bellowed hollow promises of ‘mince’ pies. Betrayed by the people who built up his childhood dream of a mince pie - a  pie with a sweet pastry crust that hid a spicy filling of minced meat within - a dream that had been crushed the moment he put that mass-produced tart in his mouth.

Only now have we come back to avenge this misnomer, to give to the people what was promised to them, to put our lives on the line (considering our cooking skills) for the sake of a dream that was one man’s mince pie.

We have no precise quantities for this recipe because we produced it as we went along.

Ingredients:

• Minced meat
• Pastry base
• Shortcrust pastry mix (for the top of the pie)
• Onions
• Almonds
• Pistachios (unshelled if you want to keep your teeth)
• Raisins
• Honey
• Cinnamon
• Spicy seasoning
• Icing sugar
• Egg white
• Olive oil
• Flour
• Salt

Empty your minced meat in to a pan and cook with a drizzle of olive oil.

While the meat is cooking, chop up an onion in to fine pieces, and cook until golden brown.

Take your blade (and mallet) to the almonds until they’ve been crushed. Add raisins and pistachios to the mix.

Drain the fat from the minced meat saucepan, and pour your onions, raisins, almonds and pisatchios in to it. Add a fair amount of honey, cinammon and spicy seasoning. Stir.

When the meat is done and the onions are a golden brown colour, add the filling in to the pie base.

To create the pastry top, pour some shortcrust pastry mix in to a bowl, add water and icing sugar, and mix it up until it’s nice and thick but not sticky! Knead the dough on a lightly floured surface. Once complete, roll it flat and apply it to the top of the pie base. Garnish your pie with almonds and pistachios if you like.

Crack open an egg on to a plate and lightly brush the surface of the pie with egg white.

Stick the pie in the oven and leave for 40-60 minutes at a temperature of 175° Celsius (350° Fahrenheit).

When the oven door opens and you are hit by that wave of sweet-smelling heat, you will know the dream has come true.