Qatar Airways describes itself as the ‘world’s 5-star airline’. Initially, this arrogant one-liner made me snigger with contempt, but all who have flown on the airline lately know that there is some truth to this statement. On my flight from London to Kuwait I was genuinely surprised to discover they had a spotless, well-kept carpet adorning the floor and bigger than usual screens on the seats (yes, I was flying economy – I find it almost impossible to justify the cost of a business or first-class ticket unless you desperately need to get rid of a lot of money). Entertainment was good with a wide selection of on-demand movies, TV shows and documentaries. I would liked to have seen more games, though. There’s only so much of Battleship that one can endure. As far as airlines go, the food was spectacular. I chose to gorge on a delicious lamb biryani dish as the chicken ‘emincé’ sounded a bit too pompous and a bit too French for my liking.

Unfortunately, I still had an awful flight. This was not Qatar Airways’ fault, though. I find any flight longer than 3 hours a drain on my lifespan because airlines have failed to implement a technology that has been around for the past century – a power socket. Add a bit of Wi-Fi to the mix, and I swear I will never complain about flying again. What usually happens  is that you find yourself squashed between two plump people concealing both your armrests from view with their mammoth hands. Your arms are squeezed against your sides, forcing you to look like a mummy in its casket, and like a mummy, there you will remain transfixed for the entirety of the flight. At least it’s not for eternity (that would be a good idea for a horror film, though, wouldn’t it? Credit here if it ever gets made, or a comment below if it has already been made).

This brings me to my next point: I propose that airlines adopt a new class that falls below economy – cargo class. For a pittance, they should offer you a 2 m x 1 m area of floor space in the aircraft’s cargo hold, and a pillow. It wouldn’t be any less humane than the way we get packed like sardines in economy class, and it would cost far less. To keep the passengers amused, they could be allowed to rifle through everyone’s luggage like the American airport authorities take pleasure in doing.

For future cargo class passengers, I recommend you bring a few layers – it might get a bit chilly down there.